something (or someone) to cultivate

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authentic happiness without one’s own children

An elementary school teacher presumably cherishes children; likewise with a pediatrician or child psychologist. Choosing to not have any children of one’s own can be a valid life choice for persons who nonetheless cherish children. Contrary pressures from family, social presumptions about good lives, and dominance of reproductive economics in the market can be severe. Bravery may be required, especially for women, to stand for one’s ownmost life (an inner-directing basis for outer-directed life) when the ecology trains one to feel otherwise (an outer-directing basis for inner-directed life). 

Children didn’t happen in my life, due to happenstance (being a child of my era), which I grew to realize, over my adult decades, was unwitting choice. This gradual realization caused me to look into this advent, which came to seem like a nonconscious deliberation over many years expressed in how lovely relationships went and how so many not-yets accumulated into my ownmost life so far. It’s an interesting story that I won’t try to capsulate now, except to say that I loved feminists who were adamant about their own preferences during a generational escape from so much chronic unhappiness in their suburban ’50s families, ’60s families, etc. And I loved women who already had their children (I surely got a good share of parenting experience over the decades!), and they were looking for anewal.

Anyway, as I pursued the topic apart from my own life, I was amazed to discover that many women choose not to have children and have truly happy lives. Indeed, many persons decide that, maybe “it’s just me, but…” not having their own children is their preferred route to an authentically happy life.

This posting prefaces a longer discussion about its subject which I expect to post soon as an expansion of this posting. I’ll later link from here to a Webpage discussion that expands on this further. (I’ll note that via a later “daynote.”)

This is an important issue for the topic of lifespan happiness: Some persons make the uncommon choice for the sake of their ownmost direction of life. It’s also a confessional issue for me: I’ve had a freedom of time and cost that is wholly congruent, I think, with my rather intense (lifelong) interest in the literature, research, and theories on child development and education. My earlier play with the topic betrays my deep interest in good individuation and prospects for fruitful happiness.

At heart, I’m a hedonist about high meaning. I’m for joyous, beautiful living—be it with children or without.

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