bearing, standing, bearing, and moving on

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I’ve been unwittingly very unfair too many times. Thankfullly, I’ve soon recognized my unfairness more often than I’ve been confronted by it. 

he was an aging aspiration...

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...idealizing singularity.

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wise guy

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Late summer, 2010, I thought it would be great to become pregnant nine months before one’s wedding anniversary…

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quite the contrary

Though implicitly, all

I’ve shown, the past

three years, has been (and will be) thanks

to, honoring, and (in this ongoing

sense) for

you.

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something (or someone) to cultivate

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authentic happiness without one’s own children

An elementary school teacher presumably cherishes children; likewise with a pediatrician or child psychologist. Choosing to not have any children of one’s own can be a valid life choice for persons who nonetheless cherish children. Contrary pressures from family, social presumptions about good lives, and dominance of reproductive economics in the market can be severe. Bravery may be required, especially for women, to stand for one’s ownmost life (an inner-directing basis for outer-directed life) when the ecology trains one to feel otherwise (an outer-directing basis for inner-directed life). 

preface to a long discussion on happiness without children

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Like the teacher who is a teacher because s/he loved children, but has none of his/her own, I’m fascinated by child development, though I don’t regret never having been a parent with children who are biologically “mine.” (Children aren’t property, of course.)

what are fair sources for stories?

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I revised “this is your life” this morning without noting that there because the reality expressed yesterday was right. But there was a flippancy in yesterday’s beginning and sentimentalism near the end that I should have avoided. I wrote it yesterday suddenly, while reading a review of the fictionist Ann Beattie, who’d been a college dorm mate of Bonnie, my “sister” who’d been in love with Ann (not lesbian) and who (by my urging) seduced and won Katherine, 1974 (before Ann became a New Yorker darling). We were supposed to become a ménage. Thirty-seven years later, Katherine and Bonnie are still together: in a little ol’ house on a little ol’ cul-de-sac in Lexington. Their neighborhood has its own Yahoo! Group for block parties, gardening tips, and whatnot.

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this is your life

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November, 2009, my long-alienated partner of 24 years, Janna (a psychotherapist)—from whom I’d been more or less separated for 15 months—killed herself soon after discovering I’d fallen in love the year before with a woman in my department, Terese, who reincarnated a love decades ago, when I was 27. I expect one would react like “You must be joking”: Psychotherapists are the persons who prevent suicides. Janna had a veritable village in San Francisco of persons who loved her, including professional colleagues who were dear friends—and me.

arousal

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Waking “late” (8 am), coffee, time with my toys awhile, then I go out for a newspaper (an excuse to get some exercise. I’ll subscribe when I retire, no longer picking up the Chronicle for $0.50 at the BART station….). Foggy day, but a fine one.

I’m exactly where I want to be: International Café nearby; Caffè Strada a few more minutes away. The entire university: perfect resort for the inquiring mind; perfect landscape for variable paths of early-morning reverie. Two blocks from me: tennis courts and swimming pool, hills to hike.

This guy who dresses like a nerd each day for the department burns those clothes in his mind each weekend.

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I was a teenage tri-psychal

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I’m a literary philosophical psychologist—a psychaliterary philosopher, a philopsychal literary writer.

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tale

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Romanticism returns in us like anewing youth that never left belonging to one’s sensibility.

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haunted entertaining

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Can a truly postmodern mind mate with its time?

Seriously, we quite playfully sought a communicative intimacy that cannot last apart from letters.

Joyous, beautiful life dies with those who live it, save for our tangible designs.

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new year

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I got my agenda together for coming months. It might have happened sooner, had I not gone to a party last night.

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